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ekikaseven
Last seen 13 hours ago
Here since Jan 8, 2007
Female
US
Languages: english
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Posted by ekikaseven
on Mar 11, 2008
Is there anybody out there who believes in marriage before baby carriage?
Just wondering.
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Ekika-
This is a good topic considering the topics of local news as of late. I'm not sure in our society today that we can try to rank everyone's parenting skills on the traditional 1950's household of one mom, one dad, and marriage before any children. With the current over-turn of Prop 8 in California, I don't think marriage necessarily needs to be in place before one has children, because in most states two persons of the same gender relationship cannot legally be married. So, should we then tell them they have no right to raise a child? I don't believe we should.
I also feel that marriage itself has lost it's meaning. People are marrying today for the conveience of filing joint tax returns, bigger savings, and so forth. They are no longer marrying for the sacredness of a joined relationship. I personally feel that handfasting might be the most logical course of action. If after a year the couple feels they are right for one another, then they can renew their vows and stay together for another year. If they beleive they are not right for one another then they are free to find a new mate. Very few species, biologically, mate for lives and I do not think most humans are capable of mating for life.
And for those of us who are polyamorous, we cannot always marry each one involved in our relationship legally. So, we share the child rearing instead. (Those of us who have children that is). I don't think being married or not married makes you a great parent. There are some families who are married who are very poor parents. It's the indvidual who makes the great parent.
My humble opinion of course. Namaste-
Anora
When I started with the post office I made little about 3.25 hr and the most I made was 13 hr toward the end. But I came in full time and at Christmas time you worked 70hours a week for 2 weeks or more. I went part time till four yrs later they told us there was no part time jobs under the union so we lost our senority had to start over and some had been doing it for 10 yrs..
The banner was at a store outside college and I bought it. It was like on batik fabric. But love the saying.
I miss those days too like we were going to change the world. I think still in small ways we can brighten a person's day by doing something.
Have a great night
hugs
Yes, its so true. We all need purpose in our life. There is something about work that gives us purpose. Our self-worth is tied to it in many ways.
Its always been a known fact that people at the Post Office made nice monies in comparison to alot of occupations/jobs.
Job loss for whatever reasons causes stress in more ways than just financial.
I do like that banner at your college. Lets face it, we are probably not going to solve all the problems of the world. The older I get the more I realize this. Now, when I was younger I just knew that 'I was going to change the world'. Oh the fallacies of being young. Miss those days.
Have a great night.
He worked for Univac and use to fix big computers nothing like the pc's we used. It was sickening got a clock and tie tacs for working 25 yrs with them. I use to work at the post office and evenutally surpassed what he made an hour which was mindless work at the post office. That didn't set well with him. He use to bring the diagrams home on paper about the computers and try to explain to me how he should fix these computers. I will never forget it.
When one is left to retire do to being older, or like when they wanted me out they were downsizing everything, or you lose work due to illness it is a shock and hard to handle and it does cause stress.
We all need a purpose in life and if you can't find a hobby or have cultivated friendships that last you need to find something to do to fulfull the void that follows many things, losing a job, children growing up moving away, losing your spouse, change in your health. There has to be a purpose to why we are here and from all the reading I have done it is to be of service to others.
I read someone down in a shop in Westwood long ago in my college years. There was a banner and it said ,Life is a mystery to be lived not a problem to be solved. ----Sometimes I wish it was that easy...
Thats terrible that your dad was forced to retire. And, 63 is not old at all. I had a patient that the same thing happened too. He had been an executive of a large corporation. He was forced to retire. He could not deal with it. He died shortly afterwards. So sad.
Life can be so strange.
How true are your words.
We all need to be self-reliant. That fairytale,charming prince stuff is not real. We women have to be prepared for anything. For sometimes, the spouse one gets may be great or they may not be so great.
As Forrest Gump said (in the Forrest Gump movie) 'mama says life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you may get'.
I wish everyone a good relationship. There is nothing like having one.
take care.
I will be married 20 years in February. I have spent 15 years of those alone. I have seen mainly the bad part of both sides. Marriage is like any other relationship. It takes committment, communication, and trust - each party has to come to the table with 100%. If you expect someone to "complete you" then you are not ready for a relationship. You have to be whole within yourself in order to fulfill your obligations as a part of that relationship.
There is no prince charming coming to rescue anyone. That is a fairy tale that has warped the minds of women everywhere. It teaches us to be dependent on a man - usually men that are unreliable and in need of help themselves. This same fairy tale teaches women that we are the "weaker" sex and we NEED to be reliant on a man. I have seen far too many single mothers supporting families because the man was to weak to handle his responsibilities to think that women are weak in any way.
This same weakness is still seen in women who manipulate and destroy good men. Men who then refuse to trust another woman regardless of how well she treats him. Too many people have been destroyed by past relationships. You need to move past what has happened to you and open yourself up to the possibilities in the future. Not everyone is like your former spouse - regardless of what you have been taught to believe.
We need to set a better example for our children. Teach them to communicate and exceed their expectations. Let them know there will be disapointments in life BUT they are capable of overcoming them. No one should have to settle for what they believe to be their lot in life - there is always room for improvement. Stop coddling children and teach them to be more self reliant. Then end result will be more productive adults with better relationship skills.
When I was single I had friends to hang with so the being alone wasn't that bad. My girlfriends and I went out dancing and other gals I knew we did things go to the beach out to eat. Our lives were not defined by being married. And I had men friends from work we would go out as friends. Don't get me wrong, I would like to be married again to the person I could get along with and my ex was good in the department of helping out with the chores but it seemed like I did a lot of them while he worked during the day and me during the night..Whenever it happens finding someone it happens if it doesn't , it doesn't .....
My mom was married two times and someone wanted her to marry again but she wouldn't , she had enough of taking care of my dad..those are her words..
hugs to you..
Have a great day too.
Yes, it can be hard some days whether one is single or married. If one is single, there is peace;no one to tell them what to do; no one to answer too. However, the loneliness seems killing.
Then if one is married, someone is there (or should be there) to keep them company; someone is there (or should be there) to share in the chores & bills. However,many are married & are still lonely; their spouse does not have with chores & bills; there is no peace; there is someone there to tell them what to do.
I prefer being married then being single. Some people say married people live longer. I don't know about that one.
Have a great day.
The loneliness from being single can at times be unbearable. There is no pain like it. I understand. I was single for a long time in between husbands (first marriage & second marriage).
Of course, being married at times can be a pain in the rear too. LOL
Keep praying. I know its hard. But, G-d does answer prayers. Even if its a long time coming.
No one believes in love & marriage anymore. I've been single for a very long 5 years. I'm losing my faith in the meaning of marriage. All I can say is Tina Turner once sang, "What's Love got to do with it?" I would have to agree with Tina after all these years...
Get used to being single, or not?
Genuinne Texas Lady in Fort Worth, TX
"Women are the GODLY GENDER"??? WHAT??!!
I have to add my feelings here! I am disgusted by any person, of any ethnicity or gender, who sees themselves or their group as more significant than another.I have had 2 women tell me they love me, while going around with other men... and thinking they would never be caught... and that is a more and more common occurance these days with technology of cell phones, text-messaging, facebook, etc...You cannot place women on a higher shelf than men in general like that, and not expect someone to call you on it.This whole "women are better than men" attitude is the very same one a woman named Barbara Haeuser has whom I have had to deal with in the past. She is the "Court Clinic" for Cambridge MA Family/Probate court and she would rather see my children in the care of their drug addict mother, than me. And that is why I am bothered by your "Women are Godly, Men are scum" comments.Men and women are equally good & bad... just as are different ethnic groups...
Another issue I have is... You still love your ex?? Who goes around siring children and leaving them to the care of the state or some other poor guy, and he thinks it's funny?? Sounds like a real scumbag to me to be honest, and I have no respect for an individual like that. How can you love someone like that?He should be placed into custody and forced to work to support all these kids...
Wow, I'm an incurable romantic and yes marriages are SUPPOSED to be BLISSFUL with the couple living happily ever after!However, children happen, then middle age crisis as well as pre-menopausal syndrome, resulting in mismarriage syndrome! Two polite and incompatible individuals living under the same roof....the story is very familiar here - a recipe for national disaster!
I have been married for 15 years. Our first child was born 3 1/2 years after we got married.
I love being married. My spouse is not perfect, but he is faithful. I am far from perfect, but I am faithful. He honored my religious beliefs for chastity before marriage.
I am Episcopalian, and part of the wedding service says "make their lives together a symbol of Christ's love in a sinful and fallen world"
amen!
yes ,why not youn see marriage is one of the most beautfull things on earth created by god but you se the devil somtimes comes in to want to spoil it. but belive me good marriages still exist it is all about understanding and tolearnce.
'
I have to ask - whatever happened to self respect, responsibility for one's own actions, or even parental responsibility - or is that our government's fault too?
You can only blame the government for so much, at some point it is YOUR FAULT.
Now this is too good to pass up....
Does anyone beleive in marriage?
Well I have read some of the posts and I have to say there is quite a set of diverse opinions.
When my mom was growing up, it was the woman's JOB to get married, raise the kids, and take care of the house. Pretty much the same as when I was growing up. BUT when I got to adulthood, all that changed. Suddenly I was supposed to work AND all that other stuff too. I was SUPPOSED to be part of a 2 income household. my kids were supposed to go to day care while I worked to help support the family. BUT no one told me what would happen if hubby left. hmmmmmmmmm....
Would I get married again? prbably not
Should I get married again? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
NYS does not recognize common law marriages - therefore, if I am with someone for a long time and he dies, I GET NOTHING - unless it is willed to me. Even then, with exwives and grown children, I would have a fight on my hands.
However, if I chose to get involved with anyone, they would have to be PREFECT. I have seen the overgrown 40-something (children) men who want someone to take care of them. My answer to that? I raised 2 children, I am in no mood to raise one that is already grown.
Marriage - ok every little girl grows up wantingher day to be perfect. But I can;t see spending thousands of dollars on 1 day - ridiculous!
God/the church - am I going to hell because my husband left me? I think I'm there or at least was while hubby was in my life. And btw - why am I the only one going? If i'm going so is he! If my child was born out of wedlock are they going to hell? Yeah,right. So my kid is going to hell because they were born. I was born and raised catholic and what I can't stand are these self-righteous bastards telling me my kid is going to hell while they are molesting other kids - I don't think so.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Furthermore - the bible. I know most people have seen the 10 commandments ( movie) ok, so moses goes up on a mountain and God give him stone tablets with rules to live by. Other than Hollywood magic - where do you think those tablets came from? Just magically appeared, huh? GOD did NOT write the bible - MEN did. And like most men, they took literary license with the stories. People cannot remember the 10 commandments ( much less obey them) does anyone honestly think that this magic book appeared on the history of mankind and all the incredible things that happened throughout history? And what about the difference between the old and new testament? Was God having a bad day in the old testament? or was God a woman and just got over PMS in the NEW testament?
Seriously though. I am not here to mock anyone's religion - just point out the inconsistancies in the religion which I was raised and no longer practice.
As for marriage -IMHO - don't do it unless: you are mature enough to handle an adult relationship. If you are still playing around, then keep playing, but don't expect someone to want you after you spread yourself around like jelly on a PB&J.
If you plan on having an adult relationship, then get married, simply because without that little piece of paper, you are entitled to nothing if your significant other walks out the door. Kids are not going to stop them. It doesn't have to be anything more than a meeting of the minds at city hall, but make it legal - that is, if you can handle it.
One last thing - keep the inlaws outside of the relationship. This has nothing to do with them.
I see that lack of marriage is the trend. My ex boyfriend got into a relationship with a woman 30 years younger than him. 3 months into the relationship, this girl is now pregnant. It saddened me greatly as I still love my ex even though we are no longer together. This man has had several children ranging from age 7 - 24. And now this. He does very little for his children and thinks it is a big joke to have children he doesn't help care for. as if it is his duty to just spread his seed and let the woman do all of the child rearing. I feel as if he has destroyed this girl's life by not doing the right thing. It takes time to get to know the person you have chosen and BOOM! 2 1/2 months into it, she is knocked up! He's 51, she's 21! As for myself, I stay away from men as most of them are jerks. Women are the Godlly gender, not the men. We are definitely superior so therefore God has more feminine traits than masculine. We are humans with spirits who are more in touch with ours.
You certainly did a good job of learning. You are a very smart girl. You will go far in life.
G-d bless you,
Amen Dree!!! Too bad that most of this worl doesnt see it this way!!!!
How beautiful worded.
Dree, are you a professional writer? You have great writing skills.
Hello, I have a comment on your subject, my name is Meka, PERSONALLY- I THINK marriage is MORE SERIOUS to me than kids. NOT BECAUSE, I had 6 of them before I got married. BUT BECAUSE, MY RELATIONSHIPS weren't right. I MEAN this is a man that I am STUCK with for the rest of my LIFE. I want things to be more than half good. Where as KIDS those are yours reguardless. You can be MARRIED, turn around 10 years later get a DIVORCE and your STILL STUCK with them. My "NANA" always told me "whether the father is there or NOT your gonna always have to take care of those children" WHICH to me is TRUE because even though I married my last 2kids father. IT STILL FEELS like I"M doing it by myself SOMETIMES. Because their only gonna do but so much. I take MARRIAGE SERIOUSLY, I watched my mom go through 3 marriages her sister,3 and her brother 2. There is NOMORE colors to wear to a wedding! except BLACK! IF they had a DRIVE-THRU I would recommend it. BUT, I TOLD my husband BEFORE I married him, ONCE you take this VOWEL, I"M taking YOUR LAST NAME to the GRAVE with me. EVEN, AFTER the DIVORCE.
Hello, my name is Meka, Personally- I think they do just because "They Can" or because thats their way of STARRING UP KAOS" between 2 women to see who WANTS him the MOST. BASICALLY, They GET OFF on it. It BOOST their EGO. I DON"T give them the satisfactory! I'm the one to TEACH you a lesson. NOT, to actually go out and fool around. BUT, "what they DON"T know CAN"T hurt them" He doesn't need to no that. I feel IF you are INDEPENDENT what the HELL do you need him for? YOU CAN PRACTICE SAFESEX with ANYONE! HELL, They MIGHT BE BETTER than him ANYWAY!(smile)
The thrill of the hunt. The excitement of having some 'strange'. They want their cake & be able to eat it too.
Don't try to figure it out. It's the nature of the beast. One thinks with the wrong 'head'. Or should I say they don't think at all, but are more driven by hormones.
Take care.
You have a point there.
You're right. The wealthiest do seem to get the best tax breaks.
George Bush is doing exactly what the Illuminati want for him to do and that is to destroy this country so that New World Order can take place. He doen't care what happens in this country. The price of oil...well George Bush and Dick Cheney are oil men. They are making sure that their wallets are nice and fat before they leave office. The whole Bush family have extremely strong ties with the Saudis. The U.N. are behind the Illuminati as well as the World Bank. This is why Al Gore didn't win the election. The Society paid off Katherine Harris to lose all of those votes in my state(Florida) so that George Bush could win. It was all planned out even though we know the truth that Al Gore did actually win!
I disagree with you on Gloria Steinem. It is the government who destroyed the family. The middle class pays most of the taxes and as a result, the middle class parents must work too many hours to stay afloat. It takes two paychecks to live these days. The parents are always at work, the kids of today are undisciplined and want everything handed to them. Today, the kids are fat, lazy, and unmotivated. Why? Because the parents are at work! That's why! So Uncle Sam destroyed the family unit. The tax cuts are given to the wealthiest people in this country.
One certainly can't argue with that. It took me years to realize that we had been hoodwinked by the media. Its quite a shame when you think about it.
Hi redfox,
We have an obligation to be concerned about our fellow man/woman.
My concern is for our posterity & the younger generation.
I have done counseling sessions with young adolescents & teens. You would be suprise to know that I have had '11-year olds to tell me that they are planning to have a baby'. They want one because another student in their school had one or because they want to feel love. When I asked them how they were planning to care for it, everyone had the same reply: "my mom". The parents had NO idea.
I was just trying to find out if it something that we older generation are doing that is causing this & if there is something that we can do to help this epidemic.
If the person is young, like a child or teen and do not have a job or even education, then its going to make it hard on them to raise that child.
Thank you for replying to my post. I wanted to get others opinions & beliefs to see if there anything we can do to help.
God bless you,
Soulight,
I totally agree with you.
I, too, have been divorced in the past. I am now happily married to my second husband.
Any break-up is hard, of course. It just seems to me there is an epidemic going on here where people don't believe in committment. I thought it was just me who was noticing it.
Take care,
Hi ekikaseven
I definitely believe in marriage before anyone has a baby . Children need a solid mom and dad that are committed and believe in responsibility. Yes , you can live together for a lifetime and be committed , but without the bond of marriage it is even easier to give up when the going gets rough.
Making a statement by getting married means that you are responsible for your actions , and hopefully that you will commit to not giving up . Marriage can be wonderful with two people who WORK for a good relationship .
When a child has the stability of two people who WORK on living and loving together ( I believe that love is more of an action than a feeling) , that child has a solid ground to build on to become an adult themselves.
(Saying all this , I know that my ex and I did not make it . There are many personal reasons for this .I went to divorce counseling for 6 months before I made any decisions. Then I had to know as a faith based person that I had solid reasons for leaving my husband . When I was sure that I wasn't making a rash decision , it was only then that I proceeded.)
I know is that if you are going to get married , it is best to
1. Have all debts paid for before you get married.Money is a huge point of conflict.
2. Know each other enough that you can fight and resolve conflicts without going ballistic on each other. Don't think you have to win all the time .GROW UP BEFORE YOU ARE MARRIED , NOT AFTERWARD.
3. Go to counseling BEFORE you get married to learn how to work out living with another person.Be committed and decide before you get married that you will work through all conflicts in a FAIR way and stick with it.
4. Be with kids and offer to babysit for friends if you have not been around children.
In addition to all the above points , my own base of my personal spiritual walk is that marriage is not to be taken lightly . It is a bond that will hold better if belief in God is a glue that holds two people together in some of the hardest times.
I guess my views are not what many people want to hear in our country . However , the lack of commitment and responsibility in our country has greatly added to its moral downfall.
soulight
Posted in ekikaseven 15 hours ago
And, is there anybody out there who believes in marriage before baby carriage?
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