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Anonymous40784 started this conversation

Is there anybody out there who believes in marriage before baby carriage?

Just wondering.

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Marriage is a big step to take It has to be a strong reunion between 2 people!! one does not depart just because of a miscarriage, they both should support each other and go in counsuling and with that, a marriage can grow deeper.
Talk to Anonymous


 This is a good topic considering the topics of local news as of late. I'm not sure in our society today that we can try to rank everyone's parenting skills on the traditional 1950's household of one mom, one dad, and marriage before any children. With the current over-turn of Prop 8 in California, I don't think marriage necessarily needs to be in place before one has children, because in most states two persons of the same gender relationship cannot legally be married. So, should we then tell them they have no right to raise a child? I don't believe we should.

I also feel that marriage itself has lost it's meaning. People are marrying today for the conveience of filing joint tax returns, bigger savings, and so forth. They are no longer marrying for the sacredness of a joined relationship. I personally feel that handfasting might be the most logical course of action. If after a year the couple feels they are right for one another, then they can renew their vows and stay together for another year. If they beleive they are not right for one another then they are free to find a new mate. Very few species, biologically, mate for lives and I do not think most humans are capable of mating for life.

And for those of us who are polyamorous, we cannot always marry each one involved in our relationship legally. So, we share the child rearing instead. (Those of us who have children that is). I don't think being married or not married makes you a great parent. There are some families who are married who are very poor parents. It's the indvidual who makes the great parent.

My humble opinion of course. Namaste-


Talk to AnoraE
 in response to Anonymous40784...   

When I started with the post office I made little about 3.25 hr and the most I made was 13 hr toward the end. But I came in full time and at Christmas time you worked 70hours a week for 2 weeks or more. I  went part time till four yrs later they told us there was no part time jobs under the union so we lost our senority had to start over and some had been doing it for 10 yrs..

The banner was at a store outside college and I bought it. It was like on batik fabric. But love the saying.

I miss those days too like we were going to change the world. I think still in small ways we can brighten a person's day by doing something. 

Have a great night


Talk to Starshine
 in response to Starshine...   

Yes, its so true. We all need purpose in our life. There is something about work that gives us purpose. Our self-worth is tied to it in many ways.

Its always been a known fact that people at the Post Office made nice monies in comparison to alot of occupations/jobs.

Job loss for whatever reasons causes stress in more ways than just financial.

I do like that banner at your college. Lets face it, we are probably not going to solve all the problems of the world. The older I get the more I realize this. Now, when I was younger I just knew that 'I was going to change the world'. Oh the fallacies of being young. Miss those days.

Have a great night.

Talk to Anonymous40784
 in response to Anonymous40784...   

He worked for Univac and use to fix big computers nothing like the pc's we used. It was sickening got a clock and tie tacs for working 25 yrs with them. I use to work at the post office and evenutally surpassed what he made an hour which was mindless work at the post office. That didn't set well with him. He use to bring the diagrams home on paper about the computers and try to explain to me how he should fix these computers. I will never forget it.

When one is left to retire do to being older, or like when they wanted me out they were downsizing everything, or you lose work due to illness it is a shock and hard to handle and it does cause stress. 

We all need a purpose in life and if you can't find a hobby or have cultivated friendships that last you need to find something to do to fulfull the void that follows many things, losing a job, children growing up moving away, losing your spouse, change in your health. There has to be a purpose to why we are here and from all the reading I have done it is to be of service to others. 

I read someone down in a shop in Westwood long ago in my college years. There was a banner and it said ,Life is a mystery to be lived not a problem to be solved. ----Sometimes I wish it was that easy...

Talk to Starshine
 in response to Starshine...   

Thats terrible that your dad was forced to retire. And, 63 is not old at all. I had a patient that the same thing happened too. He had been an executive of a large corporation. He was forced to retire. He could not deal with it. He died shortly afterwards. So sad.

Life can be so strange.

Talk to Anonymous40784
 in response to Anonymous40784...   My mom and dad the second one for her the first like to drink so out he went. Mom and dad where married about 36 yrs.. House got paid off he was forced to retire at 63 and died the next year. My dad didn't like not doing anything. It was a shame the company wanted some younger ones in. Once was enough for mom after that marriage...
Talk to Starshine
 in response to whoknew...   

How true are your words.

We all need to be self-reliant. That fairytale,charming prince stuff is not real. We women have to be prepared for anything. For sometimes, the spouse one gets may be great or they may not be so great.

 As Forrest Gump said (in the Forrest Gump movie) 'mama says life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you may get'.

I wish everyone a good relationship. There is nothing like having one.

take care.


Talk to Anonymous40784

I will be married 20 years in February. I have spent 15 years of those alone. I have seen mainly the bad part of both sides. Marriage is like any other relationship. It takes committment, communication, and trust - each party has to come to the table with 100%. If you expect someone to "complete you" then you are not ready for a relationship. You have to be whole within yourself  in order to fulfill your obligations as a part of that relationship.

There is no prince charming coming to rescue anyone. That is a fairy tale that has warped the minds of women everywhere. It teaches us to be dependent on a man - usually men that are unreliable and in need of help themselves. This same fairy tale teaches women that we are the "weaker" sex and we NEED to be reliant on a man. I have seen far too many single mothers supporting families because the man was to weak to handle his responsibilities to think that women are weak in any way. 

This same weakness is still seen in women who manipulate and destroy good men. Men who then refuse to trust another woman regardless of how well she treats him. Too many people have been destroyed by past relationships. You need to move past what has happened to you and open yourself up to the possibilities in the future. Not everyone is like your former spouse - regardless of what you have been taught to believe. 

We need to set a better example for our children. Teach them to communicate and exceed their expectations. Let them know there will be disapointments in life  BUT they are capable of overcoming them.  No one should have to settle for what they believe to be their lot in life - there is always room for improvement. Stop coddling children and teach them to be more self reliant. Then end result will be more productive adults with better relationship skills.


Talk to Anonymous
 in response to Starshine...   My parents were married for 29 years (until my Dad passed away). My mother does not want to remarry. I think one marriage was ENOUGH !
Talk to Anonymous40784
 in response to Anonymous40784...   

When I was single I had friends to hang with so the being alone wasn't that bad. My girlfriends and I went out dancing and other gals I knew we did things go to the beach out to eat. Our lives were not defined by being married. And I had men friends from work we would go out as friends. Don't get me wrong, I would like to be married again to the person I could get along with and my ex was good in the department of helping out with the chores but it seemed like I did a lot of them while he worked during the day and me during the night..Whenever it happens finding someone it happens if it doesn't , it doesn't .....

My mom was married two times and someone wanted her to marry again but she wouldn't , she had enough of taking care of my dad..those are her words..

hugs to you..

Have a great day too. 

Talk to Starshine
 in response to Starshine...   

Yes, it can be hard some days whether one is single or married. If one is single, there is peace;no one to tell them what to do; no one to answer too. However, the loneliness seems killing.

Then if one is married, someone is there (or should be there) to keep them company; someone is there (or should be there) to share in the chores & bills. However,many are married & are still lonely; their spouse does not have with chores & bills; there is no peace; there is someone there to tell them what to do.

I prefer being married then being single. Some people say married people live longer. I don't know about that one.

Have a great day.

Talk to Anonymous40784
 in response to Anonymous40784...   As the saying goes it is hard to live with them and hard to live without them. I have been single and married once. And being married can be hard especially if ( I didn't have kids) but had animals and the ex to take care of.  It isn't easy either way.. Is it?
Talk to Starshine
 in response to S.P....   

The loneliness from being single can at times be unbearable. There is no pain like it. I understand. I was single for a long time in between husbands (first marriage & second marriage).

Of course, being married at times can be a pain in the rear too. LOL

Keep praying. I know its hard. But, G-d does answer prayers. Even if its a long time coming.

Talk to Anonymous40784

No one believes in love & marriage anymore. I've been single for a very long 5 years. I'm losing my faith in the meaning of marriage. All I can say is Tina Turner once sang, "What's Love got to do with it?" I would have to agree with Tina after all these years...

Get used to being single, or not?

Genuinne Texas Lady in Fort Worth, TX 


Talk to S.P.
 in response to Singing Blue Flo...   

"Women are the GODLY GENDER"???   WHAT??!!

I have to add my feelings here!  I am disgusted by any person, of any ethnicity or gender, who sees themselves or their group as more significant than another.
I have had 2 women tell me they love me, while going around with other men... and thinking they would never be caught... and that is a more and more common occurance these days with technology of cell phones, text-messaging, facebook, etc...
You cannot place women on a higher shelf than men in general like that, and not expect someone to call you on it.
This whole "women are better than men" attitude is the very same one a woman named Barbara Haeuser has whom I have had to deal with in the past. She is the "Court Clinic" for Cambridge MA Family/Probate court and she would rather see my children in the care of their drug addict mother, than me. And that is why I am bothered by your "Women are Godly, Men are scum" comments.
Men and women are equally good & bad... just as are different ethnic groups...


Another issue I have is... You still love your ex?? Who goes around siring children and leaving them to the care of the state or some other poor guy, and he thinks it's funny?? Sounds like a real scumbag to me to be honest, and I have no respect for an individual like that. How can you love someone like that?
He should be placed into custody and forced to work to support all these kids...

Talk to Archer
Late bloomer

Wow, I'm an incurable romantic and yes marriages are SUPPOSED to be BLISSFUL with the couple living happily ever after!However, children happen, then middle age crisis as well as pre-menopausal syndrome, resulting in mismarriage syndrome! Two polite and  incompatible individuals living under the same roof....the story is very familiar here - a recipe for national disaster!

Talk to Late bloomer
positive thoughts
 in response to whoknew...   Hi, Just letting you know I hear and understand your side of this.  Elke
Talk to positive thoughts
positive thoughts
 in response to Singing Blue Flo...   Yes you are correct when we can still perform miracles today but only by prayer and fasting.  Thankyou very much for this post.  God bless
Talk to positive thoughts

I have been married for 15 years.  Our first child was born 3 1/2 years after we got married.

I love being married.  My spouse is not perfect, but he is faithful.  I am far from perfect, but I am faithful.  He honored my religious beliefs for chastity before marriage.

I am Episcopalian, and part of the wedding service says "make their lives together a symbol of Christ's love in a sinful and fallen world"





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